Saturday, November 3, 2012

I wanna throw things.....

Gosh, today has been so good!
I woke up with some harsh feelings this morning....
But I seemed to over come them through the day.
.
.
Tonight they are back.
I'm angry and wanna throw things.
and swear.
and pout.
and yell.
and cry.
.
.
.
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I'm fortunate to have most days fly by with happy feet on. 
Unfortunately I guess with the good comes the bad.
And with bad comes the good!
.
.
I want to rebuild so BADLY.
but here I sit another day.......
.
.
Is it ok?
I dunno anymore.
ok-----I lied.  It is ok, but still.
.
I feel the biggest sense of strength and contentment.
But also feel major anxiety to get myself all re-newed and back to normal and LIVE again.
My poor heart is pulled in so many directions. 
  How simply amazing your heart can hurt and feel so much joy at the same time.
.
.
Patience.
DUMBEST WORD EVER IN THE HISTORY OF EVER!
.
.
*Patience
*Don't worry
*and things will all work out...............
.
I said all three of those things and then rolled my eyes.
lol-----I really did!
.
.
Anywho,  I will just continue to remind myself until one fine day..............................I believe.
:)
 .
"The most pain comes the most glory."
.

My eyes filled up with tears when I saw this necklace.
I saw it last night  HERE.
.
.
.
I didn't want to blog today actually------until now, when I saw this saying online tonight.
 Then the whole heart pounding  "thing" started and all that jazz.... .pffffft.
Its like the feeling you get when you know you should bear your testimony and feel like your going to either throw up or crap your pants.
.
.
This was kinda like that----------but on a smaller scale.
 seen HERE!

He will cover you with his feathers,
and
under his wings you will find refuge.
.
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I think I want this!
.
.
I found this saying to be 100% true.
I know this because I experienced it.
Completely.
I will never ever, EVER doubt again.
Ever.
.
I almost wanna scream this from the mountains.
I feel excited that I learned this.
Priveleged in a way.
But also sad I had to learn it in such a way that I did.
Guilty almost.

 Today I had lunch with family at Maddox.
My home town!
.
.
My nephew took his endowments out
in the Brigham City LDS Temple!
It was fun to be in his presence at lunch, as he was FLOATING around......lol
.
.
What a good example he is to me.

 .
.
.
 good night to you!!




7 comments:

  1. So glad you got to spend time with your family. :)

    I saw these boots and thought of you... :)
    https://theautismsite.greatergood.com/store/aut/item/50571/doodle-art-rain-boots?source=4-325-6

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  2. Just got caught up on your blog. I'm sorry! Angst, frustration and sorrow just don't cover it. You are clever, funny, sassy and sincere. You are one strong woman and I have no doubt you will continue to move mountains, many people's hearts and be a strength to your children for eternity. Hang in there and keep praying. YOU WILL BE OKAY! <3 ya!

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  3. rebuilding... relearning..and the urge to rebuild is the hardest thing I think ever.. no matter what you are always wanting more, wanting to achieve more, wanting to be further along. I believe its the most depressing part. The hardest to deal with. Each day you are progressing. Vent. Let it out. And as those feelings are exactly opposite from the day before vent that too!! Share. Dont be afraid. Starting over IS OK!!!!!!!! With that comes awesome things in our life that wouldnt have had the opportunity to knock....Lots of love and hugs it will get better!

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  4. You are such a great example of courage and strength. Yours is the only blog I still follow...thanks for sharing your light!

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  5. You are such a great example of strength and courage! Yours is the only blog I still follow...thanks for sharing your light!

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  6. You say things so profoundly!!! If I could express myself the way you do then I think I'd blog about my hardships in life cause EVERY time I read your posts I feel so inspired!! You are AWESEOM ANNIE!! You will heal, you will FLY again!! I hate having PATIENCE too .... lamest things EVA!!!! It's HARD, but I feel inpsired reading your words .... THANKS, more than you'll EVER know!!!

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  7. Was it my hair in your face? Cuz.........I believe that was your wake up call! :)

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