Nice to feel a moment of QUIET to think and gather my thoughts!
I can do that,,, knowing they are in loving arms while they are away from me.
:)
I'm going to enjoy this moment.
QUIET
EATING CHEESE
DRINKING WATER.
{whaaaaat? no Dt Coke?, to be honest I'm lazy and baby its cold outside...}
Listening to some Tunes.
Expressing Nonsense.
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This weekend has been AMAZING!
I love how open my mind is to the smallest things.
Details and little things are so delicate to me right now.
I see them and I feel them and I AM THANKFUL FOR THEM!
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It was my mom's birthday and we SURPRISED her with
everyone showing up tonight with food and showering her with KNIVES....
YAY, MY MOM HAS SHARP KNIVES NOW!!!!
NOT 1977 knives.....
Yes that was the year I was born.
ha!
Love ya mom!
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No but really.......My mom is the best mother ever.
My kids are lucky to have this small, temporary time to bond with her. :)
Us sisters had fun naming the FOOD!
AREN'T WE CLEVER?
or annoying.........either way.
We made a trip down to the Gateway........in the COLD!
I can't make this picture bigger so you can see charlee.....HA!
What a poser.
Her mom isn't a photographer or anything right?
I tell ya..................
When you need your bucket filled.
Put yourself in the presence of those who LOVE YOU and see who you REALLY are.
Best MEDICINE!
{ holla sissies, parents, Syracuse friends, Mike, and long lost buddies....you all make life bright... }
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Remember this saying.....??????
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?' Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
-----Marianne Williamson
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THIS part has played a role in my life recently:
"Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you."
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I had this saying in my old home, LARGE on my wall for a few years. I loved it!!
Now it completely makes sense to me.
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I will never let chains BOUND me again to think I should ever feel small.
My greatest gift I own IS THAT I AM HAPPY!!!!
I will never let anyone take that away from me again and make me shrink.
Ever!
It will kill you little by little if you are restricted, to be who god MADE YOU to be! { and wants you to be }
Satan is the Father of all lies.
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Tonight..............I took a BIG deep breath!
:)
Love it all!
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Goodnight!
Ps. Those who asked about my chevron SOCKS........were bought at Target. They are KNEE socks. $2.50.
I should have bought 5 pairs.....:)
Why is it we tend to question every move we make at times?
Re-evaluating yourself is normal I guess....
What IS normal?
And who gets to decide whats normal and whats NOT anyways??..............
lol
See my POOR MIND?
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Well.........
I came across a few different blogs the last two days and its become a cluster BALL of emotions for me.
I realized God gives us the ability to feel ALL emotions. HECK, he created them!! Not just good ones.
Even the SAD...the hurtful and the painful ones.
The ones where you really feel like your heart might FALL OUT!
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I realized something after last nights emotional, tender, personal moment I had.
At first it was anger.....to sad.....to tender........to love.
HOW DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
This lady I had read about mentions that in moments of her deepest pain, deepest painful grief results in the best seasoned heart!
Feeling these pains sometimes is for gods GOOD purpose for us!
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Notice a good cry feels good ?
:)
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Well---------I also believe when you are at your moments in life where you are relying on god daily to help you move mountains........he puts people in your path to lighten your load.
This is happening daily for me.
My eyes well up, just the thought...........cuz this is REAL. Things really are happening. Even tho I don't have anything. By GOSH------I have everything!
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I came away after reading these few blogs with a THOUGHT! .
Ready?
NO MORE APOLOGIES!
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I am who I am! I am lovely, just the way THAT I am!
I am ENOUGH!
and I DESERVE happiness!
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and
so
do
you.
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This is who I am.
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I AM the mom who gives my kids waffles and sandwiches and maybe even Ramon for dinner some nights.
I AM the mom who tries to fix things with LOVE. Not Discipline.
I am NOT the mom who lets my children cry themselves to sleep. If they are scared I want them next to me so they feel safe. Yes, that means kids in my bed!
I AM a procrastinator.
I AM that girl who is a hopeless romantic.
I am NOT that girl who is crazy about schedules, I like them....but its ok to shift and bend when needed. I AM the girl who forgives easy, in return gets hurt easy. I am NOT the mom that does everything right I am NOT the girl to be kept in a corner. I AM the girl who is free spirited and wants to fly.....................everywhere!
If this isn't the cutest thing in the WHOLE world, I dunno what is!!
I am in love with Phillip Phillips, and its obvious she is too!
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A late night drive in the car............
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Yesterday was interesting to say the least!
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I defiantly think people are the "Tools" of the lord!
Its so awesome!
I hope I am in tune enough to know when I need to be used as a tool........:)
Routines are coming about!
Homework
Jobs
making scary spiders!
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Sounds about right! eh?
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Things are moving forward and not backwards.................which is all I can ask for!
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Last night I had a conversation with a friend of mine.
She could tell I was being hesitant with some decisions I needed to make.
She didn't hold back words and bluntly told me what I needed to do, She made it seem so simple.
Satan is real and smart!
And I deserve good and worthy things in my life!
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I can't tell you how IMPORTANT friends are!
The real kind.
and I know you know, what I mean!
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Which takes me to another topic!
TEENS!
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Whoa is me!!.
Give me strength!!
I can do this!
Stay strong!!
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Especially ones that are able to have that little extra freedom called DATING!
Kill me now!
Abbie watched some movies last night with some friends, The boy comes to the door {very tall, handsome boy might I add. He may have earned 3 points having no earrings, no underwear hanging out of his pants and was clean cut.}
He shakes my hand firmly and looked me in the eyes { another 2 points }
I asked him to have her home by 9:00.
They were 8 minutes late { subtract 3 points } :/
But they called and told me why.........{ Oh, OK fine! add 3 points }
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I was a wreck the whole time.
Is it nine yet? Is it Nine yet?
IS IT NINE YET???
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ug!
She and I had good conversation about her outing when she got home. I enjoy when she opens up to me and shares.
and is EXCITED to share!
What a fine line it is with teenage girls.
I love her so very much!
I don't wanna pull her all the time. :)
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I have some sessions lined up for this weekend.
I'm so ready to unzip my camera bag!
Abbie and Autumn with a little vintage Gypsy style.
And my sisters Family........Can't wait to click my shutter!
I dunno the last time I have posted on my blog with NO pictures.
Just words!
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Welcome to my new spankin new blog!
Its like a fresh WHITE piece of paper.
Ready to create a masterpiece of Art.
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Not really looking at it that way, Altho I should!
I needed a NEW place to write that wasn't distracting.
Like opening a NEW journal and hearing that first crackle of the bindings........
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And, She Will Fly...........
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This all was created in my mind in three days of driving from Texas to Utah.
I had plenty of time to think and ponder and wonder.
{I will explain how this came about}
Packed up my little scion box car with what I could fit, and my children.
I had ONE goal in mind!! And that was HOME TO FAMILY!
Home to safety and home to comfort and home to a zillion much needed hugs!
It was a quick decision I had to make.
and when I say quick I mean:
IN 4 HOURS!
What I got done just doesn't seem clearly possiable!
I used the strength and courage that was literally sent my way and DID IT!
I look back now, and I can't believe I did it.
I really really can't.
I left everything! Everything I own.
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I dunno what to even type.......
There are so many judgeful cruel people so it makes it hard to know what to say.
The truth of the matter is, the MOST IMPORTANT thing are NOT things!
Those things can be replaced.........It was who was in my car with me.
and who I had waiting for me when I arrived!
Keep reading and I will explain!
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I do know I have 4 loving, amazing, STRONG, protective sisters that stepped in when I couldn't.
I have two of the most wonderful parents who heard the cries and acted.
Many family fasts, prayers and courage sent our way.
All I know is that GOD ANSWERS PRAYERS.
Especially when you are at his mercy and are on your knees begging literally BEGGING pleading, sobbing and broken and ready/willing to do his will!
I know, HE knew I couldn't do anymore.......and a pathway was given.
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As we drove these many many miles.......in rainstorms so bad I couldn't see the car infront of me.
and not knowing where I was going other then my GPS on my phone, My dad was my navigator.
He was MY ROCK each day, as we drove these long miles.
Checking my account and depositing as needed along the way!
Told me what was ahead for gas stations and hotels.
I would report where we were and then a email/text was then reported to my 4 sisters as they were all following along waiting anxiously for our arrivial.
I HAD NO FEAR!
NONE!
And I know for a fact I had many more watching over us and my little car.
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Driving, day two:
Jax and Charlee were asleep in the back.
Abbie and I liked this time for we get to listen to music :)
All the sudden a bird flew right toward us annnnnnnd THUD!!!!
It ran right into our windshild......I can't believe it didn't shatter.........
It was so LOUD and so hard!
We both turned to each other and laughed!!!!
Then as I thought about it......, that little bird probually was flying home.
maybe flying home to his or her kids........or maybe it was a teenage bird and her mom was home waiting for her arrival. maybe it was a grandpa or grandma bird,,,,,,,? Or simply gathering twigs, mud or worms to bring back to her nest!
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Sounds lame.......maybe.
But It all seemed to make perfect sense.
Most of it anyways!!!!!
And...............SHE will fly!
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Yup, that exactly right!
I will!
right to where I am suppose to be.
Right to my daughter Autumn!
To my family!
And I will continue to fly for my children.
and for myself.
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As we got closer to home.......excited to see landmarks along the way.
MOUNTAINS!
oh how good it was to see Mountains!!!!!!
To feel the crisp air as we drove into colorado.
as we crossed over the UTAH border!
When we saw the OGDEN sign........and driving down the morgan canyon loving the red, gold and orange colors.
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Pulling into the driveway and seeing autumn in tears running out of my parents house, I couldn't open my door fast enough.
She cried. I cried.
and the hugging and crying continued for days after.
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So here I am.
Broken but new.
Hurt but strong.
Lost but also found. And I still have questions that I dunno will be answered in this lifetime.
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But here I will be, and I have everything I need. My 4 birds.
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My sister sent me this link
She says:
" You have suffered enough and warred with yourself, its time that you won"